10 Warning Signs Your Child Is Struggling in School (And What to Do About It)

Not every struggling student brings home failing grades. Many children hide their difficulties, compensate in creative ways, or simply don't know how to ask for help. As parents, we need to look beyond report cards to catch problems early.

After 19 years as an educator and military mom, I've learned that the most important signals are often the quietest. Here are 10 warning signs that your child may be struggling—and what you can do about each one.

1. Frequent Physical Complaints Before School

The Sign: Your child regularly complains of headaches, stomachaches, or nausea on school mornings. Symptoms often disappear on weekends or holidays.

What It Means: Physical symptoms are often the body's response to anxiety. When children don't have words for their stress, their bodies speak for them.

What to Do:

• Rule out medical causes first with your pediatrician
• Ask open-ended questions: "What's happening at school that might be making your tummy hurt?"
• Don't dismiss symptoms as "faking it"—the anxiety is real even if the stomachache isn't organic

2. Avoiding Homework or School Conversations

The Sign: When you ask about school, you get one-word answers. Homework gets "forgotten," hidden, or rushed through carelessly. Your child changes the subject when academics come up.

What It Means: Avoidance is a protective mechanism. If school feels like a source of failure or stress, your child may be protecting themselves by disengaging.

What to Do:

• Make conversations low-pressure: "What was the best part of your day?" instead of "How was school?"
• Check the parent portal or contact teachers directly for accurate homework information
• Look for patterns—avoidance of specific subjects may indicate where help is needed

3. Changes in Sleep Patterns

The Sign: Your child has trouble falling asleep (especially Sunday nights), wakes frequently, or seems exhausted despite adequate sleep time. Or conversely, they're sleeping much more than usual.

What It Means: Sleep disruption is one of the most reliable indicators of stress and anxiety in children. The brain processes worries at night.

What to Do:

• Establish a calming bedtime routine
• Create a "worry time" earlier in the evening to process anxious thoughts
• Limit screens before bed (blue light affects sleep quality)
• Consider if workload or activities need adjusting

4. Increased Irritability or Emotional Outbursts

The Sign: Your typically even-tempered child becomes snappy, argumentative, or has meltdowns over small frustrations. They may seem to have a "shorter fuse" than before.

What It Means: When children use all their emotional energy coping at school, they have nothing left at home. Home becomes the safe space to release pent-up stress.

What to Do:

• Don't take it personally—this behavior often means they feel safe with you
• Build in decompression time after school before homework or activities
• Teach emotion regulation strategies (deep breathing, movement, journaling)
• Look for the source of the stress rather than just managing the symptoms

5. Loss of Interest in Previously Enjoyed Activities

The Sign: Your child no longer wants to participate in hobbies, sports, or social activities they used to love. They seem apathetic or say "I don't care" frequently.

What It Means: This could indicate depression, overwhelm, or that they're using all their energy just to get through academics. It's also a sign their confidence may be suffering.

What to Do:

• Gently explore what's changed: "I noticed you haven't wanted to go to soccer lately. What's going on?"
• Consider whether the schedule is too demanding
• Watch for other signs of depression (persistent sadness, hopelessness)
• Consult a mental health professional if withdrawal persists

6. Negative Self-Talk About Intelligence

The Sign: Your child makes statements like "I'm stupid," "I can't do anything right," "Everyone else gets it but me," or "I'm the dumbest kid in class."

What It Means: These statements reveal how your child sees themselves academically. Once children label themselves as "not smart," they stop trying—why bother if you're destined to fail?

What to Do:

• Don't dismiss with "You're not stupid!" Instead validate: "It sounds like you're feeling really frustrated"
• Teach growth mindset language: "You haven't learned this YET"
• Point out specific examples of their competence
• Share stories of people who struggled before succeeding (including yourself)

7. Taking Much Longer Than Expected on Assignments

The Sign: Homework that should take 30 minutes takes 2 hours. Your child works slowly, erases constantly, or gets stuck on every problem.

What It Means: This could indicate perfectionism, difficulty with the material, attention issues, or a learning difference that makes processing slower.

What to Do:

• Time specific tasks to identify where delays occur
• Check if instructions are understood before starting
• Rule out attention issues (ADHD) or processing differences
• Communicate with teachers—there may be accommodations available

8. Social Withdrawal or Friendship Changes

The Sign: Your child stops talking about friends, isn't invited to social events, eats lunch alone, or suddenly drops a friend group.

What It Means: Social struggles often accompany academic struggles. Children who feel "different" academically may isolate themselves—or be excluded by peers.

What to Do:

• Create low-pressure opportunities for connection (one-on-one playdates vs. large groups)
• Ask teachers about social dynamics in the classroom
• Consider social skills support if needed
• Address any bullying immediately

9. Declining Grades (Even Slightly)

The Sign: A student who typically gets A's is now getting B's. Or B's become C's. The decline may seem minor but represents a significant shift.

What It Means: Grade declines often indicate that the material has become more challenging and your child's current strategies aren't working anymore.

What to Do:

• Don't panic—this is actually a helpful early warning signal
• Meet with teachers to understand specifically what's causing the decline
• Identify whether it's content knowledge, study skills, or effort
• Intervene early before the gap widens

10. Expressions of Dread or Fear About School

The Sign: Your child says things like "I hate school," "I don't want to go," "I wish I could stay home forever," or asks to be homeschooled.

What It Means: When children dread school, something is wrong. It could be academic, social, or related to a specific teacher or situation.

What to Do:

• Take these statements seriously—don't brush them off
• Ask specific questions: "What's the worst part of your school day?"
• Visit the school if possible and observe the environment
• Advocate for your child if systemic issues are the cause

What to Do If You See Multiple Signs

One sign might be a bad week. Multiple signs over time indicate a pattern that needs attention. Here's your action plan:

1. Document what you're seeing with dates and specific examples
2. Request a meeting with teachers to share observations and gather their perspective
3. Consider professional evaluation if learning differences, ADHD, or mental health concerns are possible
4. Create a support plan that addresses academic AND emotional needs
5. Monitor progress and adjust as needed

Early intervention makes an enormous difference. The struggles you address now won't define your child's future—but ignoring them might.

Need a structured approach to supporting your child? Our free Quick-Start Action Planner gives you a 30-day roadmap, and When Learning Feels Hard provides the complete system for transforming school stress into success.